“Daniel’s biggest fear was not being able to live fully right up until his last moment. He was always so fit and healthy. He didn’t want to stop. Hospice helped us see we had options to realise this.”
“Hospice helped me accept that Daniel was going to die. I didn’t want to accept it but now looking back, it was the best thing ever. Accepting Daniel was going to die and talking about his death gave us the space and time for Daniel to really live those last weeks as fully as possible.”
Kathryn’s partner Daniel died of a brain tumour in September 2020. In the months leading up to his death, Te Omanga Hospice in Lower Hutt provided clinical support, counselling, home care support and medical assistance for Daniel. They were on hand for Kathryn too, empowering her with knowledge and wrapping her with emotional support when she needed it.
“Daniel’s biggest fear was not being able to live fully right up until his last moment. He was always so fit and healthy. He didn’t want to stop. Hospice helped us see we had options to realise this.”
“While we were away for a weekend, Daniel had a serious seizure which scared me so much. After that, I was scared to take him anywhere in case it happened again. But walking, gym, being outside was so important to Daniel, it is what he needed to live fully. The clinical staff at hospice helped me understand what might happen, the different levels of seizures, and provided me with medication to support the different presentations. After this, I felt empowered. I had the confidence to honour Daniel’s wish to do as much as he potentially could. It wasn’t an easy thing, getting used to having to carry medication, and eventually learn to inject him. I didn’t want to at first and Hospice never expected me to know more or less that what I did. They were driven by what I was asking. There was never any judgement.
“My proudest feeling is that Daniel could ‘feel normal’ right to the end. We even went out for coffee the day before he slipped into a coma. It meant Daniel got to be himself right to the last minute.
“Hospice care is holistic. Having the medical needs met is one thing, but the spiritual and psychological support is profound.
“I wish we had accessed Daniel’s counsellor earlier. She was able to talk to Daniel directly about dying. His former sessions with non-hospice counsellors had left him dissatisfied.
It wasn’t until he told me about his conversation with our hospice counsellor that I realised it probably takes someone familiar with dying to talk with someone who is dying. If we hadn’t come into that space, I’m sure I’d be left with a lot more regret. Hospice really gets dying.
Daniel really wanted to die at home and so hospice came to us, ensuring we always had to option of continuing at home, or choosing to go into care. Because of the support hospice offered, Daniel got to die in his own bed and his loved ones were right there beside him.
After Daniel died, I continued to see the counsellor; someone the hospice had provided for Daniel and also for me. My son was also able to access their art therapy service which he really loved.
We are very grateful to Kathryn for sharing her story with us.
